Players: 2 | Time: 20 mins | Ages: 14+

"You don’t frighten us English pig dogs, go and boil your bottoms you sons of a silly person."

"I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a!"

Fetchez la Vache! 3-in-1 Game Set includes:

Custom-designed beechwood board, 2 dice catapults, 21 meeples (20 human, 1 bovine), 4 dice, 1 doubling cube, 30 checkers,  and rules for THREE games.

1 - Fetchez la Vache! A madcap backgammon-based game that pits two teams against each other in a race to capture a cow and leave the field with it alive, all while dodging catapulted farm animals and scathing insults French taunts. (Note: this activity requires the Monty Python’s Cocurricular Mediaeval Reenactment Programme core book.)

2 - Squashez l'Anglaise! Flip the board over and let fly with this point-based, historically accurate, terribly violent castle-siege simulator.

3 – Backgammon! A fully functional backgammon board (for those who wish to appear smarter than people who play checkers but can’t be arsed with chess).

Specifications and components:

• A custom-designed and illustrated birchwood game board.
• Approximate dimensions: Open: 17.13" long x 21.65" wide x 1.48" high (43.5cm x 55cm x 3.75cm); Closed: 17.13" long x 10.83" wide x 1.48" high (43.5cm x 27.5cm x 3.75cm).
• 21 printed wooden meeples of varying shapes and designs (knights, priests, retainers, and the like...plus the cow, of course).
• 2 fully functional and highly dangerous to mice wooden dice catapults.
• A pair of woefully under tested, wonderfully launchable dice.
• A pair of cow bags for storage. Storage of game components. Not recommended for cows.
• Oh and all the bits for backgammon, too: 15 black checkers, 15 white checkers, and 1 doubling cube
• Castle wall divider for increased difficulty and more realistic farm animal trajectories.

Nota bene: Fetchez la Vache! is an integral part of the roleplaying game, but this particular game set is not required for gameplay. Any mundane backgammon board can be used, as can the printable PDFs.